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We have put together a massive list of comedy monologues for men and women, from theatre, film and TV. “Tell us a little about yourself.”You have come to the right page. (Chants ala “ Circle of Life”) “Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba!” My name is called and I take to the stage as to the manner born! Breathing in that thespian aroma of a freshly shel­lacked stage, perfumed with the enduring mist of gray in a can. But this year? This year? There won’t be stages big enough! There won’t be lights bright enough! This year, the drama club is staging Fiddler, and I’m going to land the role of The Girl who gets The Boy! It’s the day of the big tryouts the auditorium is packed with the usual sycophants circling Gruella like he’s the friggin’ Lion King. My drama camp doubles the role …with twins in padding! I was the prison matron. Instead of casting one curvy teenager as Tracy.

Yes, “Something is Changing Something is Not The Same …Let It Go, Let It Go! Take Me For What I Am ’Cause I … Am …Changing…And “You’re Gonna Love … Me!” (Belts or wails the last notes of “Defying Gravity”) “Oh, Oh! …How do you like them eggrolls, Mr. If I am going play a matron— (Literally swallows her pride.) again—I am going to play the mother of all mothers: “Here she is world! Here she is, Gruella! Here’s Rosie!” (Strikes an Evita diva pose and serves a royal wave) My turn will come for such is the magic of theatre that ingénues age into the chorus, while character actors grace into the leads. Who forgets the lyrics to “Memory?” (sings) All Alone In The” (pause) -Next day, I brave the hallway of shame, passed the faux hug­ging and chutzpah to catch the cast list just as it was posted … “Rosie: Mother #12, and … The Mayor’s Wife.”? Since when did Anatevka elect a mayor? I wanted to drop out then and there, rip that piece of paper off Gruella’s door, tear it to shreds like Patti Lupone does her reviews, and sing “There’s Gotta Be Some­thing Better Than This !” (Pause.) But a better “Angel of Music” prevailed.